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Sockeytome
The Piano Recital at 30
Accountability seems to be vanishing in our modern world, and we're tackling this troubling trend head-on. Through personal stories and cultural observations, we explore why so many people refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
The episode opens with a powerful anecdote about a piano recital at age 30, where acknowledging a mistake in front of children created a safe space for everyone to be imperfect. This sets the stage for our conversation about how increasingly rare this simple act of owning our errors has become.
We dissect possible causes behind this accountability crisis – from participation trophies that shield children from the reality of failure to a culture that rewards blame rather than growth. The conversation weaves through compelling parallels to sports, highlighting UConn women's basketball coach Gino Auriemma's team-oriented approach and Michael Jordan's perspective on failure as the foundation for success.
Some of our most thought-provoking insights come during our discussion of parenting. Drawing from expert perspectives, we challenge parents to see themselves as shepherds rather than controllers, guiding children while accepting their inherent nature. This balanced approach fosters accountability without crushing individuality.
Whether you're struggling with taking responsibility in your own life or frustrated by those who won't, this episode offers a refreshing perspective on why owning our mistakes isn't just the right thing to do – it's the pathway to genuine growth and success. Subscribe to join this important conversation and share your thoughts with us!
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Hey everybody, welcome to Saki Tumi, saki Tumi, hey everybody, it's Ditto. Welcome back to Saki, to Me, where we connect people to people. Even if you don't want to hold yourself accountable, I'm here with Casey.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone.
Speaker 2:And we, tonight, we're going to talk about how people refuse to hold themselves accountable for anything they do. It's always, it's always somebody else's fault. When I was 30, I had a piano recital, my first one.
Speaker 1:Way back when huh yeah, it was crazy. First at age 30.
Speaker 2:Okay, my first piano recital was at age 30. Think about that shit All right. And my teacher told me that she wanted to put me on first because I was older than all the other kids. Actual kids, I'm guessing Actual kids, yes, and so I went out there and I forget what song I was playing, but it was like Happy Birthday or maybe you had a little lamb or something like that. It wasn't, it was like it was something big. Anyway, I messed up. I messed up in the middle of it.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And I stopped myself and I just looked at the crowd, I smiled, I waved and I started all over again, and that set the tone for the rest of the day and for the rest of the kids, where they knew that if they made a mistake, it wasn't the end of the world.
Speaker 1:Right, it was okay to make a mistake.
Speaker 2:I took accountability for what I did, yeah, and I made everybody feel comfortable, which was one of the biggest things in my life. Maybe that was why I was there for that recital at 30. I don't know, for that recital at 30? I don't know, but it's crazy. And there are now just people in this world that cannot accept accountability, and it seems to be coming more and more.
Speaker 1:It's driving me nuts. It does seem to be a struggle. It's blowing my skirt up. Oh boy, Take that for free. I mean, nobody wants to admit when they're wrong, but it's the better thing to do.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:It's hard to say you're wrong. I think about it, but you have to learn how to do it and understand that it's going to be okay after the fact I bet you I can learn how to do it right now uh, oh shit, I was wrong, oh yeah yeah, isn't it, it's that easy understood oops some people don't want to do that. I don't know why.
Speaker 2:Every single excuse in the book to sit there and tell you why they made a mistake and why it's not their fault. It's because of something else.
Speaker 1:Kind of stems from kids maybe. Maybe they just don't grow out of that. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean, I did when I was a kid. Now I'm just like yep, messed that one up. My bad, Sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as you get older, I feel like you just find that it's easier to accept that you're wrong and the results are better.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:The outcomes are better.
Speaker 2:I feel the exact opposite.
Speaker 1:To accept that you're wrong.
Speaker 2:As people are getting older, it's harder to accept you're wrong. You don't want to admit it. You're trying to keep up this facade that you don't make mistakes, you're perfect and everything's great. Right, but you're not. You make mistakes, just like the rest of us. Loser.
Speaker 1:Everybody does.
Speaker 2:Yes. So why not just be able to say, hey, my bad, screwed that one up, we'll get them next time, champ, you know what I mean. Is it fear of failure or some sort of guilt?
Speaker 1:Maybe embarrassment.
Speaker 2:I don't know. The embarrassment should be the fact that you won't take accountability for it and everyone knows it. You should be embarrassed on that.
Speaker 1:But does everybody know it? Maybe people don't think they do know it. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I do. If you made a mistake and I knew you were're wrong, I'd look at you and you wouldn't admit it.
Speaker 1:You I would you generally, you generally do admit it. You're one of the.
Speaker 2:You're one of the people that does admit that. I know what you're saying. But if you said it and you're like, no, it was, or it was because of this, I was like dude, just say you've messed up, just say that and everything's all good. Yeah, no, well, it was because. No, just say you messed up, or you made a mistake and you couldn't do it. Yeah, then I know you made a mistake and you wouldn't do anything about it. That's more embarrassing, or at least should be.
Speaker 1:It should be but I don't know. Some people stick to their guns and oh I, I didn't mess up.
Speaker 2:There's a reason behind it it's because the wind blew from left to right instead of right to left.
Speaker 1:Wasn't expecting it, yeah.
Speaker 2:I didn't see that one coming. Is it low self-worth? Is it something that happened in childhood, like childhood trauma, that does this? Why can't it? It seems like it's becoming more and more. It's getting harder and harder to get people to at least make a mistake, and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm ready to lose it on people yeah, I don't part of it.
Speaker 1:I wonder is, I mean, look at like the generational stuff with everything right, everybody's raised differently, right, we're raised differently than our parents and our grandparents, obviously, and it seems now, as time goes on, kids have a lot more. They just just trophies for everything. Right, everybody's right for everything. They don't want to make their kid feel bad, so maybe that's just going on into adulthood and they don't feel that they have to own up to anything.
Speaker 2:That's a solid point. I can't stand those participation trophies. I can't. I think it's the dumbest thing. Competition is uberly necessary in life, yeah, in order to understand who wins and who loses, what's good and what's bad. Without it, you don't know, you don't have goals, right. Like you don't have goals, you're not nobody's just going to give you a job. No, you have to go out there and win the job, technically right, yeah, oh well, I got participation trophies when I was little, so I should just get, I should just get hired, I should just get hired.
Speaker 2:No, that's not the way it works, dude.
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 2:Young lady, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's terrible, and we are getting worse at this. Worse instead of better. Everybody's entitled to anything they want now.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:It's ugly. It's not even ugly, it's fugly. It is fugly, oh god, even the kids today. I'm like are you serious? Right now? I just want to smash you in the face with a brick. Obviously you can't do that constant requests and I need to have this and I need it.
Speaker 2:Everybody has it and the kids are raising enough nowadays to just say I'll call dcf. The hell you will, bro. Wow, yeah, go ahead, hit me, I'll call dcf, you'll be in trouble. Are you serious with this stuff, bro? Really, bro, is this is this last bro, bro, because it's it's driving me insane. I take accountability for everything I do wrong. Not only that, I'll sit there for like days.
Speaker 1:Months.
Speaker 2:And think about it. I'll think about it Like shit, I can't believe I did that. Oh my God, I don't even remember the last thing I did wrong.
Speaker 1:Oh boy.
Speaker 2:No, I can't remember the last thing. It probably happened earlier today.
Speaker 1:Seriously.
Speaker 2:I do something wrong all the time, but generally when I do something wrong I'll look at you and be like I'm sorry, I screwed that one up.
Speaker 1:That's true, you do.
Speaker 2:Nobody does that to me.
Speaker 1:You cannot say nobody. I do so. You can't say nobody. I know other people that do it. Are there a lot of people that don't Sure, but you can't say nobody.
Speaker 2:Fair enough. Most I don't want to. We already said it. Oh boy, I want to keep moving forward. I feel like it's lack of role models okay, how so? Because nobody does it. You know, you don't see anybody doing it, like even I don't know. I don't want to use people's names because I don't have that ready, okay. But sports stars, right. They will say, oh yeah, well, could have gone this way, could have gone that way. No, just say you didn't hit the ball yeah, or you didn't make the shot.
Speaker 2:That's why you lost agree if and so. This is what we see flopping in basketball and stuff like that, like basketball players now flop and there's a. They had to make a rule so you couldn't do it. It's that bad. It is Don't Okay, don't even worry about it. So last night UConn won the national championship.
Speaker 1:The women yes, they did.
Speaker 2:Three years in a row, by the way.
Speaker 1:Oh, UConn.
Speaker 2:UConn won the national championship three years in a row and Gino Auriemma was amazing in his post-interviews post-game interviews talked about things that were real and said things that were poignant.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was. I was watching it I was like, wow, good for you, gino. I am not the world's biggest women's basketball fan, but I watched that game because it was Yukon, yeah. And then I watched Gino afterwards and, holy cow, basically that's how you want to act.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think the same way. He was amazing.
Speaker 2:It was his 12th national championship as a coach. He's like I got the first one. That's the only one I really needed. The rest of them are all. He's like they're all for the players, it's for them, it's not for me, it's for them. They worked, they did this. I just led them to get here.
Speaker 1:I was like attaboy, and did you watch any of those girls' interviews?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And they all not one of them took oh, I did this, I did that? Nope, they all talked about their teammates and how they did it as a team.
Speaker 2:Yes, I thought it was impressive, yep, highly impressive, because it's always easier to blame everything else. Yeah, like I did not see the South Carolina team, I didn't see their conferences, I didn't see their conferences, I didn't see their postgame interviews and stuff like that, right, I didn't think, I don't think they said anything bad and they didn't blame anything. But blame is always easier.
Speaker 1:So if you lose? Oh, it was a referee.
Speaker 2:For sure. Oh, it's because there was a rock in the road. Whatever it is, yeah, you know what I mean, and people most almost always take comfort over growth Like you can't win if you don't lose.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:It's impossible.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that was one of the things that Gino and Michael Jordan, by the way have said I miss more shots than I made.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Nobody cares about all the shots I missed. They only care about the championships I won. Right, I'm only known for what I won. They forget about what I missed, and that's the thing. And to sit there and have that the pessimistic, negative attitude afterwards and blame everything else. Michael jordan said I missed the shot. I missed it. Yeah, there's nothing I can do. Wasn't anybody else's fault, was mine, exactly right, that's why he won and that's how you get there. And what are we teaching these kids these days? Nonsense. Yeah, my understanding is g won and that's how you get there. And what are we teaching?
Speaker 1:these kids these days nonsense. Yeah, my understanding is gino and that program is very much team-oriented. Positivity that they focus on that and it is not a one-person show. Ever I'd heard there was one person the last year or two that didn't go to yukon and my understanding is that was why, because it was a different mentality I don't understand.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna say who it is. That was why, because it was a different mentality.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what you just said. I'm not going to say who it is, oh, all right, but there was one person that probably could have gone to UConn and my understanding is they didn't want her for a specific reason, because she didn't have that same team mentality. Who knows Rumors for?
Speaker 2:college kids.
Speaker 1:Who knows?
Speaker 2:That's literally what sports are all about. They're all about team Teamwork, learning to be a cohesive unit. Yeah, because once you learn those skills, they're life skills that never leave you. And if you can't learn them, you might be the best player. You might be the best player ever. You might be Michael Jordan. Who knows? Even Michael Jordan had a team, and Michael Jordan will tell you himself he couldn't have done it without Scottie Pippen, right, yeah, and all the other guys that came in played a role, and Michael Jordan pushed them to be as best as they could be, and that's why people hated him, because he's like I'm going to be this good, you're going to be as good with me. And that's teamwork. You hate it, yeah, but at the end of the day, they're like oh, man, that was a great time in life, yeah.
Speaker 2:And everybody's afraid of judgment.
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 2:They feel like if you fail, you're going to get judged and you're going to stay there.
Speaker 1:No, that's not how it works either, you fucking lost, and especially when you're accountable, you just say, yeah, I lost that one, I screwed that one up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's how you learn and grow and get better. Yeah, and get better. That's how you win Accepting the losses, focusing on working harder and getting better Right, and that's where you're going to get. Otherwise, I have seen so many people that I've played sports with throughout my entire life that have just complained about referees and umpires and whoever it is, it's always somebody else's fault. You know what they amounted to? Not much. Absolutely nothing, yeah. So, and because nobody self-reflects either yeah, what did I do wrong? What was my role in this?
Speaker 1:right. What could you have done differently to make a different outcome?
Speaker 2:yeah. How could I have helped everyone else around me? What could I have done better? No one does that. I struggle sometimes with people in this day and age, especially in like relationships there's right now it seems like more less there's one person that just cannot take responsibility for their actions.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I believe it's really what's hampering everything, because everybody feels entitled.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I mean, at this point in time in life you can get whatever you want whenever you want.
Speaker 1:Pretty much.
Speaker 2:Exactly and you can get it when you want it. It's like, oh, I'll pay for it later. We got credit, no big deal, yep. So it's like everything's right here at your fingertips and now you've forgotten how to actually act as a human being.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And put in the hard work. By the way side note, val Kilmer died.
Speaker 1:He did.
Speaker 2:Val Kilmer died. He was one of my favorite actors. There are so many stories about him now how great he was at acting and as a person.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yes, and he went out there and he did his thing. Sam Elliott told the story where, on the movie set of Tombstone, when they were filming it on his days off, he would go to the set and he would literally watch Val Kilmer work. Really, yes, because Val Kilmer was that good and Sam Elliott wanted to get better.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Yes, so we lost a great one. He had so many good movies. So we'll take a quick moment of silence for Val. Did you watch that documentary?
Speaker 1:I did not.
Speaker 2:And before we do this moment of silence, Tom Cruise went to the producers of Top Gun Maverick.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:And made them rewrite the script to make sure that Val was included in it. Really, yes, because he didn't want to be seen in it, that's pretty cool. And so he went there and he made them write a scene for him, especially the way he was Really, so that he could have that last moment. He's like I need him in this, I want him in this, yeah, which I thought. I'm not a huge Tom Cruise fan.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I thought that was sweet and like humanitarian. Yeah, that's awesome, that you go there and you do this. And he was like I'm not going to do this movie if you don't rewrite this Wow.
Speaker 1:And he did I. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:RIP Val. All right, I sent you a change the subject now, but I sent you a video the other day of a professor, yes, that was talking about children, yes, and raising them. Right Now, we all know there is no manual on this.
Speaker 1:No, they don't send you home with one of those.
Speaker 2:And kids are just little shits.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Right, I was a little shit once. You still are. No, I'm a big shit.
Speaker 2:But his point was like my grandparents would tell my parents that they couldn't do something, and if your friends were doing it? You know, if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it too?
Speaker 1:That kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yes, right, and so nobody ever stopped to listen. It's all about listening.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So here you are. We're talking about accountability on this. Take accountability as a parent, because you don't. You're either like a helicopter where you circle over them and nothing's everything, every single thing in this planet, is going to hurt them, or you don't care at all and they never get hurt. But they don't have the family aspect of everything, right? So kid comes home from school and he wants to dye his hair blue. What do you say?
Speaker 1:I mean, my answer is kind of why would you want to do that, I guess. Well, I I'd probably say no, but yeah, that's where I still want to know why. Why blue?
Speaker 2:well, that's where all of us have to take a step back I know we have to take a step back and instead of saying no, that's stupid, you can't do that right huh. Well, why do you want to do that, right? Well, I don't feel like I fit in. You never even asked the kid what he thought. You just said no, you were quick, I do it. I do it all the time. And this video set sat there. I watched it three times.
Speaker 2:Wow, sent it to you you did and I was like I really have to start doing this. So here I am, holding myself accountable for parenting the way I parent, which probably isn't the best way to go about it there's no right or wrong, but there isn't, but still, there's probably a better way than I do it, because I'm quick to shut things down you are, but some people allow everything to happen and then you're in trouble too.
Speaker 1:So I don't know, I don't know what. It's hard to know what's right and wrong with parenting. It's really all just, I guess. But this video basically said the guy basically says they're born with what they're born with and it's really our guide, our job, to just guide them. It's not our job to prevent them from doing things exactly.
Speaker 2:They're unique to themselves and there's nothing you are going to do about it Right, exactly. So sending them to private school doesn't fucking matter.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Trying to keep them away from harm doesn't fucking matter. They're going to be who they're going to be, no matter what, and you can take pride in the fact that you think you did it, or you can take pride in the fact that you knew that they were going to grow up like that anyway, because that's what's going to happen. Was that? You knew that they were going to grow up like that anyway, because that's what's going to happen? Was it 400 different genetic codes?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a lot.
Speaker 2:That's in there and it's throughout your family.
Speaker 1:And they'll all come out at some point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they'll all come out and that you have absolutely no control over it. You can't do anything about it. This is what's going to happen, and screw you. So don't be pissed if your kid turns out like a jailbird, because it was going to happen anyway I mean, I think there's some guidance along the way that does prevent some of those things. Well, that's the thing but that's where you take the accountability in the whole.
Speaker 2:Thing like you want to take them. Basically, a parent is a shepherd, right? Right, you just get them from pasture to pasture so they can learn what's right and what's wrong. Right, otherwise they're going to turn out to be who they're going to be and whatever pastures you lead them to ain't going to change that. But if you don't lead them to any pastures and you just let them run wild, well, you're gonna have problems but that's you exactly but that's you, because you didn't do that.
Speaker 2:you're a shepherd. You're not going to define they are, but you're going to help make them understand how to be a better person. Right, and that's all you can do, and that's where we get.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard, parenting's hard.
Speaker 2:Parenting is hard, but I swear to God, everyone makes it harder than it needs to be, seriously, and no one will take account and tell me that's true. I've done it and I know you have.
Speaker 1:I've heard you say it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you judge other people's parenting skills.
Speaker 1:I think automatically kind of do in times yeah.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:I don't know, it's just, it's hard not to, and I'm sure people judge me, I'm sure I judge myself.
Speaker 2:I've judged you.
Speaker 1:The toughest one on me, so yeah, You're not the toughest one on you.
Speaker 2:You would have changed stuff. You just want to look like you're tough on yourself that's not necessarily true uh, okay, we'll go with that okay that sounds right all right oh, that sounds good, I'll have that yeah, soup of the day, but raising children isn't easy. Every single person on this planet is different. Yep, they all have different needs, different wants, different likes, different hates or dislikes, and you just have to go with it. So I have one child, you have two I do they play together they do and we parent them in different ways very different right, which is fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was another thing about mothers oh boy oh yeah what about them?
Speaker 1:mothers are easy on their children see, I find that that's opposite with me, I know, but so if you if you look it up.
Speaker 2:If you look it up, almost every study has ever said mothers will have to say things three, four, five times. A father will say it once. For whatever reason, it's not that men are better than women right but it's the nurturing and the nature of everything. Like your mother is consoling.
Speaker 1:Right, okay.
Speaker 2:They'll yell at you, they'll scream at you, and then if I were to come home, I'd be like no.
Speaker 1:And they would stop doing it. Maybe I don't know, I haven't seen that but maybe For certain people, probably oh, no, it probably oh, no, it's it's proven, but still.
Speaker 2:That being said, we're getting to the end now, finally finally, because you have dragged this on a long time.
Speaker 1:Huh tired of talking to me today.
Speaker 2:Huh, no, no, but we have to do another one. We're gonna have the kids on oh boy we're gonna have the kids on. We're probably gonna talk about the same stuff about exciting I might put them together, or at least in the same day. So you hear yeah so you hear, I don't know what going to do.
Speaker 1:But let's see what happens with the boys. All righty.
Speaker 2:All right Case. Thanks for joining me Always. You know I love you. Thanks for being here and you know, as always, everybody be good. Hey everybody, it's Ditto. I want to give a shout out my buddy Larry over at Legendary Graphics. He designed our logo for us. It came out fantastic. He does wraps. He does all kinds of customized stuff for you. If you get a chance, go to Legendarycom. That's Legendarycom. Check it out for anything you need. Alright, guys, thanks Be good. Saki Dumi. Hey everybody, it's Dedo. Thanks for checking out our show today. Hope you enjoyed it. If you did subscribe to us, we can hook up, interact. You can tell us what you like about the show, Talk about what you don't like about the show, Give us information and insight. We'd appreciate it. We only want to make the show better for you guys. Also, if you get a chance, head over to someassemblynet. That's our sponsor. Then you can really do some business. Saki toobie.
